0 comments 25 June 2009

Forgive me this post. It is so very White and Nerdy as am I.

What follows is a series of posts on pittsburgh craigslist > rants & raves from 23 June 2009:

  • The Wigger Steven Hawking (Greenfield Nation)
    Date: 2009-06-23, 9:54AM EDT
    Somewhere in Greenfield there is a concentrated point of wigger energy(WE). Its drawing all the WE from surrounding Pittsburgh areas toward it. Its feeding off rap, white tee's, black and milds, newports, ....anything that contains even trace amounts of WE. Once the WE is pulled toward this point the energy attaches itself to th other WE swirling "inside", and collapses inward creating highly dense and concentrated Wiggerishness. Its extremely dangerous, and highly misunderstood. Anything coming into contact, or even close proximity with this Wigger Vortex(WV) will instantly be ionized with PURE RAW WE! Causing a transformation which has the power to change the very fabric of existence.
  • The Wigger Steven Hawking II (Greenfield Nation)
    Date: 2009-06-23, 10:49AM EDTThe potential for confusion exists surrounding the phenomenon of WE. Observers from rural environs may have difficulty comprehending the complexities of the WV. Some have dedicated their lives to the enlightenment of the masses concerning all things wiggerish. Try this...... G=(WE+Wu)÷ 3(WV). Remember ordah of operations. Solve for WE............
  • Re: The Wigger Steven Hawking (Swissvale Nation)
    Date: 2009-06-23, 11:05AM EDT
    Somewhere in Greenfield there is a concentrated point of wigger energy(WE). Its drawing all the WE from surrounding Pittsburgh areas toward it. Its feeding off rap, white tee's, black and milds, newports, ....anything that contains even trace amounts of WE.
    There's not much WE yet in Swissvale, but there is a thug singularity (TS) in nearby Rankin, on Kenmawr before the bridge. It is the East End epicenter of thug energy (TE), located precisely at the convenience store on the corner of the newly redesigned intersection. Here, thug energy photons (TEPs) swirl about and converge, bending with the extreme gravitational pull of the TS. Only they can escape alive (being pure TE)--nothing else would dare enter.
    Once the WE is pulled toward this point the energy attaches itself to th other WE swirling "inside", and collapses inward creating highly dense and concentrated Wiggerishness. Its extremely dangerous, and highly misunderstood.
    Only the TEPs know what occurs in the TS, though others speculate it is, in fact, the purchase of white tees, Newports and Black and Milds.
    Anything coming into contact, or even close proximity with this Wigger Vortex(WV) will instantly be ionized with PURE RAW WE!
    I've learned that one way to neutralize this effect is by spending approximately twenty minutes at the Starbucks in Squirrel Hill, where Caucasian electromagnetic waves (CEWs) penetrate the body, expunging all WE.
    Causing a transformation which has the power to change the very fabric of existence.
    Eventually there will be no turning back.

I'm not sure if this crosses the line of anything. I find it incredibly funny. If it offends anyone, I apologize.

0 comments 16 June 2009

Just about four months ago it was -15F in the 'Burgh. I know this because as much as I wanted to attend the Steelers Super Bowl Victory parade, it was just too cold, so I recorded it from the internet and watched it like three times. Today was different- and in so many ways.

Today it was time for a 17 year drought to come to an end- that of a Penguins Stanley Cup Victory Parade. It was great weather- a little too hot for Marieke, but just right for me. We left as soon as the announcement was made online that streets were being closed ahead of the parade. Driving along the route that would take us to the First Ave Garage, I took notice of several dozen people waiting along Greenfield Ave for a bus that would take them to where we were going. The bus that ended up passing us on Second Ave was stuffed with revelers wearing jerseys. 87, 9, 48, 13, 11- even 81 and quite a few 66- all headed to the same place for the same reason: to welcome home an old friend- Lord Stanley.

It wasn't until we spent four minutes driving in the upward spiral to the top floor of the garage that I realized just how many people could potentially be at the parade. My estimation bore a smaller number than that of the Super Bowl parade.

With parking ticket in hand, we marched toward the elevator with all the excitement of school children (at least I was that excited). Luckily the first elevator was too full to join and we had to wait for another. It was lucky because we came across a very awesome, very large, very green poster held by a woman named Jenny. She proceeded to tell us that she is from Nova Scotia and her sign was for Sidney Crosby. Well, that geeked me out and I immediately had to have a picture of her and her poster. Just new to the city, having only been here since Friday, she asked if she could tag along with us since she didn't know where anything was. We were only too happy to oblige. I always think of Pittsburgh as a friendly town (as long as your not driving on the parkways or trying to merge onto one) and I rather enjoy making others feel welcome here, so it was an added treat for me.

Jenny is training in Monroeville to be a paramedic and said many times that she can not believe that the Penguins won the Stanley Cup. I kindly informed her that since she had been in the city since Friday (the very day we won the Cup), that she would now have to remain in town for forever since she seemed to bring some good ol' fashion Canadian good luck with her.

After scoping out the large crowds int he parking garage on The Boulevard, we decided to remain closer to Grant St near the TV crews because there would probably be alot of pauses so that people would be able to talk to the news and that meant we would have ample opportunity to ogle our favorite players or even *gasp* the Cup itself.

Our spot was chosen, we rooted ourselves and prepared for the spectacle we were about to witness. Jenny had other ideas, excusing her way to the very front so that her poster could be seen by Crosby. A cameraman from Channel 4 took interest and interviewed her about it, much to our amazement, since she had only just gotten to the city only four days ago and now she would be on the local news. We chose to stay put and enjoyed the view just as well from our spot (the best one, in my opinion). There was so much to see and take in during the hour we had to wait before the parade started. It was harrowing for me to admit that I was in a very large crowd of people, but I was determined to maintain composure and focused on the signs that other people made, their championship shirts, everyone's hats, the dog whose person was wearing a classic #66 jersey, complete with a 'Badger' Bob Hohnson patch worn on the jerseys of the first Pittsburgh Penguins Stanley Cup Champions in 1991.

The police horses were agitated by the occasional pop of confetti crackers and their bowels were clearly quite disturbed by them; the people surrounding us frequently wondered aloud weather or not the situation would pose an unsurmountable obstacle for the parade participants. Marieke and I, taking the high road in the matter simply giggled to ourselves.

Alby Oxenrider from Channel 11 wanted to interview the crowd near our location, but could not get through the barricades and so he decided to crowd surf down to the sidewalk. Literally. He jumped into the crowd of people and for about a minute, was completely at the mercy of the arm strength of those below him.

The corner of Grant St and The Boulevard of the Allies is normally a very major intersection and the Trib Total Media decided a few years ago to install a news ticker and electronic billboard at the location. For once, there were no adverts on the billboard and no news on the ticker. In their place, a series of very nice photographs from the trophy presentation at the end of Game 7 and other Penguins tributes were displayed.

We had been at our 'spot' for nearly an hour when we heard someone mention by relay of a cell phone text message, that the parade had started and that Mario Lemieux was leading it off. Three large PAT buses went by shortly thereafter, their marquee red 'SPECIAL' and 'LET'S GO PENS!'. I mentioned to Marieke that they were going to be used to transport the parade participants back from the end of the route, a supposition that was carried throughout the nearby crowd. The excitement in the crowd was palpable. The Pittsburgh Police Pipes and Drums led the parade, followed by a Pittsburgh Police Color Guard. Then someone in the first row shouted, 'There's Mario!!' We all gawked at the same time. One of the busiest corners in downtown Pittsburgh was transformed into a schoolyard filled with children awaiting the arrival of the ice cream truck.

With amazing alacrity, a black convertible arrived just in front of us. Seated in the back and along the rear panel were Mario Lemieux and co-owner Ron Burkle. The crowd erupted in chants of 'Mario! Mario!' as he exited his car to talk to the media. My view of his person was obstructed by the throng and Marieke pointed out that the Mayor was in the car just behind Mario's. I snapped a few shots of the guy as he commented that he's not as important.

As times bring special moments to the city I often think how much Bob O'Connor would have loved to have seen them. *sigh*

After Le Magnifique rounded his car and hoped back in, Mayor followed suit and had a short pressie. His re-mount into his car was not as graceful since he almost fell down and went boom.

This was followed by three 'Just Ducky' tour buses filled with lucky people whose identities remain a mystery. Then it began. The twenty-seven Pittsburgh Penguin players perched in the rear of pick-up trucks of alternating black/red colors (helpful in piecing together a chronology of the parade) began passing our vantage point, each one briefly stopping while the one in front paused to allow an interview.

The order was as follows:

Truck 1- Satan (81), Kennedy (48), Fedotenko (26)
Truck 2- Curry (1), Thiessen (30), Garon (32), Scuderi (4)
Truck 3- Boucher (43), Staal (11), Goligoski (3), Minard (23)
Truck 4- Taffe (22), Dupuis (9), Kunitz (14)
Truck 5- Jeffrey (42), Talbot (25), Guerin (13)- Also the Prince of Wales Trophy.
Dan Bylsma and his family followed the fifth truck and he was kind enough to get out and walk around, greeting the fans that lined the route. I got maybe one or two shots of him and they're not that good.
Truck 6- Gill (2), Adams (27), Letang (58)
Truck 7- Eaton (7), Lovejoy (65), Godard (28), Zigomanis (15)
Truck 8- Orpik (44), Sykora (17), Cooke (24)
Truck 9- Malkin (71) with his Conn Smythe award for MVP and now famous parents in tow.
Truck 10- Crosby (87), Fleury (28) with the Stanley Cup.

When the Cup went by, I shrieked like a girl. It was the first time I had ever seen the Cup that close. Seventeen years ago when all of Pittsburgh Public School students skipped class to attend the victory rally at Three Rivers Stadium, it appeared a dot whose definition became apparent only when it was hoisted by Lemieux. I was at first struck by how shiny it was, then by how old it was, then by the fact that it is the same cup that has been hoisted and paraded and won for the last 111 years. Truly a moment to behold for which I have a total of 33 images to remember it by.

After that, everything became a blur. We met up with Jenny who said she didn't even get to see the Cup because she was holding her poster up for Crosby, who ended up not seeing it, but Fleury did and gave her a thumbs up. We exchanged contact info and started back toward the garage.

On our way, I ended up two paces from Sally Wiggin. She was so polite and even posed for a snapshot. It was a really awesome way to end a really awesome day.

I have no recollection of what happened between then and now, aside from sorting the nearly 700 pictures I took of the day, getting the exact spellings of the player's names correct and writing this.

It is now 3:45am and I shall slumber with visions of the Cup dancing in my head.

0 comments 13 June 2009

After an amazing season, a coaching change and quite a few heart-attack-games, The Pittsburgh Penguins won the Stanley Cup!!!

What an amazing run!!

My two cents about the Cup Final:

I can not count how many times one brawl or another broke out between the Pens and the Wings before game 7. There were so many fights and penalties and really nasty hits and so much of this series was defined by this. Malkin suddenly became emotional on the ice and got off a few really awesome punches on more than one occasion. The Wings were all over any Penguin who had the puck to point where turnovers were becoming ridiculous.

By game 3, when the Pens came home, it wasn't looking too good for us, but the argument had been made over and over again, especially after the disaster that was game 5, about how very important home-ice is for a team in the Stanley Cup Finals.

Game 6 was nerve wracking. I can remember shouting at the television when the cup was brought out of its box and was being polished, 'PUT IT BACK!! PUT IT BACK,' not wanting to re-live the disappointment of last year's Cup Final result.

Having won game 6 and forcing a game 7, the odds really were stacked against the Penguins to win. None of the commentators, sports writers or average Joes on the street were tired of pointing out that only 3 of the last 17 Stanley Cups were awarded to the visiting team in game 7. Contrary to this ubiquitous fact, I became overly fond of pointing out that there is something of a 'negative space' issue in these statistics during the time between game 6 and game 7.

It's not about what the statistics say, it's about what they don't say. It's the element of probability that is absent from the commentators', writers' and Joes' estimation of the chances for a Penguins win. The Penguins had more of a chance to win game 7 because of the stacked statistics. It was more probable that they would win because the numbers were due for a tick in the other direction. It's like playing the number 314 in the PA Lottery. 314 rarely comes up. It is the least hit-upon number combination. So, based on the history of the PA Lottery, one wouldn't play this number because it doesn't come up often, right? Wrong. 314 has a greater chance of hitting because it doesn't come up that often.

Regardless of the commentary, articles and conversations, the Red Wings didn't loose the game. The Penguins won the game; and it was the first time during the entire series that we lead the series. Detroit led four times.

It took all of six games, but the Red Wings finally looked at the Penguins and respected the team for having forced a game 7, for having the guts and the stamina to deny them a cup in game 6, even after the whipping we took in game 5. There were virtually no 'stupid penalties' in this game, no fights and the hit count was almost even- especially the real zingers. It wasn't tipped way in favor of the Wings this time. So good on them for having the guts to respect the Penguins. It takes alot for a team to put everything else aside and give an opponent some respect.

I could, at this point, say something really un-sportsman-like about Hossa right now; such as 'he's now reduced to a curse' or 'serves him right for bailing on Pittsburgh' or 'he got his just desserts' or something equally ironic about his situation. But I won't.

The Penguins so deserve this victory... and so do we, the fans.

WOW!! Two major national championships in the same year! What is my application of the 'negative space' theory of statistics to the Pittsburgh Pirates? Yeah, not so much.

The Penguins win marks the first time in professional sports history that a Super Bowl winning team is from the same city as a Stanley Cup winning team in the same year. That's a really clumsy way of putting that, but it's 4:13am and I've just realized that there will now be no more hockey for the next few months... but I think my point was made.

Congratulations, Penguins, on an amazing championship season!!

Some video from NHL.com:

#71 Malkin MVP!!!


I'm not sure exactly what happened a year ago at this time, but I'm pretty sure the fans in Mellon Arena were not booing this loudly...


Hold it high, gentlemen... you've earned it!!




Preview of the Wheaties box...