The River Green

Forgive me this post. It is so very White and Nerdy as am I.

What follows is a series of posts on pittsburgh craigslist > rants & raves from 23 June 2009:

• The Wigger Steven Hawking (Greenfield Nation)
  Date: 2009-06-23, 9:54AM EDT
  Somewhere in Greenfield there is a concentrated point of wigger energy(WE). Its drawing all the WE from surrounding Pittsburgh areas toward it. Its feeding off rap, white tee's, black and milds, newports, ....anything that contains even trace amounts of WE. Once the WE is pulled toward this point the energy attaches itself to th other WE swirling "inside", and collapses inward creating highly dense and concentrated Wiggerishness. Its extremely dangerous, and highly misunderstood. Anything coming into contact, or even close proximity with this Wigger Vortex(WV) will instantly be ionized with PURE RAW WE! Causing a transformation which has the power to change the very fabric of existence.
  

• re: The Wigger Steven Hawking (Greenfield Nation) (Needs re-write)
  Date: 2009-06-23, 10:08AM EDT
  Sorry dude, good effort but it's not working for me. As the Skipper aka Jonas Grumby (Alan Hale, Jr.) would say to the Professor aka Roy Hinkley (Russell Johnson), "Can we get that in English please?"
  

• The Wigger Steven Hawking II (Greenfield Nation)
  Date: 2009-06-23, 10:49AM EDTThe potential for confusion exists surrounding the phenomenon of WE. Observers from rural environs may have difficulty comprehending the complexities of the WV. Some have dedicated their lives to the enlightenment of the masses concerning all things wiggerish. Try this...... G=(WE+Wu)÷ 3(WV). Remember ordah of operations. Solve for WE............
  

• Re: The Wigger Steven Hawking (Swissvale Nation)
  Date: 2009-06-23, 11:05AM EDT
  

  Somewhere in Greenfield there is a concentrated point of wigger energy(WE). Its drawing all the WE from surrounding Pittsburgh areas toward it. Its feeding off rap, white tee's, black and milds, newports, ....anything that contains even trace amounts of WE.

  There's not much WE yet in Swissvale, but there is a thug singularity (TS) in nearby Rankin, on Kenmawr before the bridge. It is the East End epicenter of thug energy (TE), located precisely at the convenience store on the corner of the newly redesigned intersection. Here, thug energy photons (TEPs) swirl about and converge, bending with the extreme gravitational pull of the TS. Only they can escape alive (being pure TE)--nothing else would dare enter.
  

  Once the WE is pulled toward this point the energy attaches itself to th other WE swirling "inside", and collapses inward creating highly dense and concentrated Wiggerishness. Its extremely dangerous, and highly misunderstood.

  Only the TEPs know what occurs in the TS, though others speculate it is, in fact, the purchase of white tees, Newports and Black and Milds.
  

  Anything coming into contact, or even close proximity with this Wigger Vortex(WV) will instantly be ionized with PURE RAW WE!

  I've learned that one way to neutralize this effect is by spending approximately twenty minutes at the Starbucks in Squirrel Hill, where Caucasian electromagnetic waves (CEWs) penetrate the body, expunging all WE.
  

  Causing a transformation which has the power to change the very fabric of existence.

  Eventually there will be no turning back.

I'm not sure if this crosses the line of anything. I find it incredibly funny. If it offends anyone, I apologize.

Labels: Greenfield , Pittsburgh